Boundaries
Creating a safe space.
If you are feeling hurt, drained, unsafe, and running on empty you may lack boundaries. Sacrificing your own needs to show that you care for someone is not good for your personal health. No one should ever expect that of you. The right people will want you to take care of yourself. People won’t always understand boundaries, but they should respect them. If you set a boundary and it makes someone angry or uncomfortable, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have set the boundary. If you have to sacrifice to accommodate for a relationship, then you are not with the right person. Setting a boundary is telling someone else what you will be doing. You are simply communicating your priorities and dedication to protect your priorities. Not setting boundaries can have some of the following consequences on your life.
° You don’t speak up when you are mistreated.
° You say, “Yes”, when you want to say, “No”.
° You agree when you actually feel like disagreeing.
° You feel guilty when you do things for self-care.
° You often feel taken for granted.
° You have toxic relationships.
° You fear what people think of you.
° You overshare your life details.
° You feel like a victim.
° You attract people that try to dominate you.
By setting healthy boundaries, you create stability and safety for yourself. Some healthy boundary examples are the following.
° It’s not your job to make others happy.
° It is okay if someone gets angry.
° You have a right to your own feelings.
° You are enough.
° No one has to agree with you.
° You have the right to your own thoughts and feelings.
° You do not have to anticipate the needs or fulfill the needs of others.
° It is okay to say, “No”.
° You are responsible for your own joy and happiness.
° You don’t have to accept abuse of any kind, verbal, or otherwise from partners, family, friends, or coworkers.
° It is not okay to involve yourself in other people’s issues.
° Other people do not have to like you, but they are not allowed to mistreat you.
° You have the right to end draining conversations or relationships.
“When we avoid difficult conversations, we trade short term discomfort for long term dysfunction.” – Peter Bromberg. Setting a new boundary with someone that has mistreated you in the past will often make them confused and angry. It is not your job to fix it. Let them figure it out for themselves. Sometimes, setting boundaries will cause someone to cut ties with you. If that happens, it is because they can no longer take advantage of you and it is for the best. Find people that appreciate you and your boundaries. Most of us know who we struggle to set boundaries with. You can work through setting boundaries by examining those relationships, and decide what action to take when you are not in the moment. Make a list of people you struggle setting boundaries with. Ask yourself, when do I feel most angry with this person? I struggle to set boundaries with them because? What actions can I take to set boundaries with them? If you walk away from a situation and are having a conversation in your head about the situation, most likely, that person violated one of your boundaries and you didn’t say anything or didn’t even realize it. Setting boundaries can take time and practice. In the process, you will reclaim your identity, happiness, and confidence. You will gain healthy relationships with people that truly care about you. Take that step because you are worthy.
If you need help taking action and determining boundaries or, you are interested in having me as your coach contact me at hwttps://ardentlifecoaching.net/.